A Mom’s Counting Primer [A Poetic Parody]

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So, a couple of weeks ago I had these nagging words in my head that needed to be written down.

It really started as a kid’s book.  Some sort of humorous counting primer.

It didn’t stay a kid’s book long.

It became a poem for moms who know what it’s like to count.  You know, the you’d-better-do-what-I-told-you-to-do-before-I-get-to-three type of counting.

But the mom in the poem is nice.  She goes up to ten.  (Kind of.)

I recently joined Wattpad, so I posted the poem there.  Grab a glass of wine and head on over to check it out (seriously, I think the whole thing is shorter than this blog post).  Then please share it with all the moms you know that could use a little “time out.”  ;)

Here’s the poem:

A Mom’s Counting Primer [A Poetic Parody]

Enjoy!

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10 Things I Never Expected to Say {Or: A Typical Day in the Life of a Mom}

10 Things I Never Expected to Say OR A Typical Day in the Life of a Mom from RoamingRosie.com

Motherhood has brought with it many unexpected surprises.

Most of them are phenomenally, euphorically amazing. The rest are…

Messy.

{That’s putting it mildly.}

And these are some of the unexpected words that have crossed my lips in the first 5 years of my daughters’ lives.

Things I hope I won’t have to say again {but know that I probably will}.

10 Things I Never Expected to Say

1.  I ran out of tissues; just use my shirt.

2.  Why are you naked?

3.  I didn’t know diarrhea could shoot that far – you almost hit Grandma!

4.  No, no: throw up on me, not the couch!

5.  Did I just step in syrup?

6.  No, I don’t need a tampon, and I certainly don’t need a handful of them … where are all the wrappers?

7.  Don’t stick your fingers in the dog’s butt!

8.  I don’t care how cold you are, you’re not getting back in the bathtub until I clean all of the poop out of it.

9.  Get your hands out of the toilet!

10.  Did you just put my ChapStick in your butt?

My second favorite chore is ironing.  My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.  Erma Bombeck

Please share some of the unexpectedness you’ve experienced in the comment section!

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{Top Photo Copyright Rebecca Abell | Dreamstime Stock Photos}